• Ada Rommel

OCD + Insomnia

I can’t sleep. I’ve been dealing with insomnia for the last two weeks. I can’t seem to turn my mind off. It continues to race with the same thoughts and worries like a rat on a wheel. Over and over and over until I literally exhaust all of the behavior therapy coping techniques I know. Postpartum depression OCD has been one of the(if not the most) most challenging things I have ever tried to work through. It’s like climbing up a mountain, with no rope, a weighted vest strapped to your chest, wearing a flimsy pair of flip flops and oh yeah, this is the first time you’ve ever been rock climbing. I’ve tried to explain it before, but unless you have lived it or are currently living it you wouldn’t really fully grasp how hard this is.. I’ve dealt with depression all my life and this stuff makes that look like a walk in the park. .

Mainly on my mind is Instagram, my blog and website. Is it worth it? Am I even helping anyone? I’m literally laying everything out there for everyone to see... but does it help anyone? .

The answer is 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌. I hope that it does. My hope is that if you’re going through something similar that you come across our page and see that you’re not alone. That it’s okay to talk about intrusive thoughts or feeling disconnected from your baby. That it doesn’t make you a bad mother and that we all feel like we are messing up and just doing the best we can. It’s easy to look at someone’s page and see tiny happy squares of what looks like a perfect life, but the truth is that isn’t real. .

At least, that isn’t real for me. My life is messy, complicated and sometimes just rigid, but it is also truly beautiful... So,I keep fighting. Not just for myself, but for my family. .

I started a new medication because the Prozac seemed to have lost its effect. I began not wanting to get out of bed again. I was going long periods without showering. I just was losing my “will” to do anything. My psychiatrist wanted me to try Effexor and so I figured ”why not”. I mean, I’ve tried a million other drugs so why stop now, lol. (Is lol way out of line when writing about this stuff? Haha) If you think that taking a pill will solve everything, it won’t. It helps, but therapy is a must. The two go hand in hand. I strongly believe that. I’ve tried Celexa, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Trazodone, Zoloft, Prozac and now Effexor. I hate the Withdrawals and then weird feeling in the beginning when trying a new medication. Know what I mean?

If you’re just starting medication please Be very honestly with your doctor. if something isn’t working it’s totally okay to give something else a try. sometimes it just a matter of tweaking the dosage. Trust me, they aren’t judging you and neither am I.

I was afraid for way too long to ask for medication and I just suffered in silence. Please learn from my mistake and be vocal. You have to be your own advocate. Only you know what’s best for you!

If you ever need a friend or simply someone to talk to my email and DMs are always open. Please remember that you Are enough, you do enough and you have enough. Give yourself some grace.



#mom #twinmom #postpartum #postpartumdepression #depression #anxiety #ocd #ppdocd

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