Dazed, but not Confused.
Updated: Jul 8, 2020
Days are running together. My thoughts are scattered. How much stress can one person take before they break?
Sad. Angry. Depressed. More anger. It’s been this vicious cycle for well over a month now...and then it happened. The rainbow after the storm.
Today, I was at a low. I hide it so well with my happy Instagram photos and posts, my smile at work and simple exchanges of pleasantries. You would never know the deep dark sadness that lurked beneath the surface... and how could you? I was taught at a young age to shove my emotions deep down so that no one ever knew there was something wrong. The pandemic has been rough on our family, Everett’s pending Autism or sensory diagnosis, the loss of my brother to suicide and the loss of my identity after having the twins and let’s not forget the postpartum depression OCD. Its been tough.
But today... today was different. Laura got the call that she received an offer for a GM position about two hours away from where we live. I literally broke down into tears at work. I let it all go. The anger, the sadness, the hurt, the self loathing, the blame, the guilt... all of it. We have been wading the waters for so long now and I can’t tell you how good it feels to be thrown a lifeline. This entire experience has made me so incredibly humble. It’s been a huge wake up call about all the things we have taken for granted in our life - like our heath, jobs and overall well-being.
Whatever you’re going through, don’t give up. I believe more now than ever that God has my family in his hands.
Will you pray with me?
Lord, Please remind me who I am.
Please take this aching heart and tired mind,
and turn my face to you, Lord. Please take my worry, Lord. My anger, my sadness and pain.
I hand it off to you, Lord God. I can’t carry this all on my own.
Please remind me of my strength
and my will to be kind and loving to others.
Teach me that when I feel irreparably broken
that I can always turn to you to make me whole again.
in Jesus name I pray,