𝗗𝗼𝗻𝘂𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘋𝘢𝘥
We knew this day was coming. We just didn’t realize it would be this soon. As a #lgbt family, we knew that our children would face situations that were different than other families. And here is was. Our very first situation, and certainly won’t be the last, that my wife and I had to sit down and figure out what would be our best parenting approach for our twins.
We were happy to see June’s new preschool schedule. And if you know me, then you know I truly do try to look and approach things from the sunny side of life.
Me: Look babe! Splash day is every Wednesday in June! That will be fun.
Me: (Noticing her smile fading and worry start to show on her face) What’s wrong?
Laura: Next Friday is Donuts With Dad..
Me: it’s okay babe. They will have to learn they are different and that’s okay. Some families have one mom and no dad or one dad and no mom. Some have two moms and one dad or even two moms and two dads. We just have to teach them that every family is different..
Laura: We are keeping them home that day. I don’t want them to go.
Me more determined than ever: No. We can’t pull them out of school every time things get hard. They will be okay.
Laura: But what if they ask “Where is my dad?”.
Me: Then we will tell them that not all families have a dad. That every family is different and that’s okay. And how wonderful it is that they have two loving moms!
I could tell she was really worried. Sometimes I forget how hard it can be for her as the non-biological mother. I’ve always known and believed her to be the babies other parent, but I know society doesn’t always agree or believe that. She is worried that one day they will grow up and say “You’re not my mother”. And no matter how many times I reassure her that she is enough, that we are enough, there will always be this tiny ball of worry inside her.
I can’t guarantee they will never say something like that to her. I mean, let’s be honest. We have all said and done some things as kids that we look back on and go “Wow. I just want to slap myself”.
I’m not proud to admit it, but I’m pretty sure I told my parents I hated them more than once. I still apologize whenever I see them for how I acted as a teenager. Kids go through phases and some of those phases are emotional and messy. okay, maybe all of those phases are emotional
and messy, but we just have to hope that we as parents instilled enough good coping skills and wonderful traits that they will grow up to be accepting, well balanced, problem solving humans.
Overall, I know it‘s the unknown that makes things so hard for her. I truly believe kids follow their parents actions, behaviors and core beliefs. So, I have to believe our kids will be alright. That they would follow in our footsteps and handle each adverse situation with grace. Teaching any child about diversity is crucial in their upbringing. Gay, straight, bi, black, white, yellow or whatever you want to insert here - it’s all about teaching acceptance. Exposing them to diversity and educating our kids on the good, the bad and the ugly. Will there be a time that we are discriminated against in front of the kids? Oh absolutely. That will definitely happen, but when that does happen we will teach our children to be strong, kind and forgiving. We will teach them that you don’t have to agree with others beliefs, but you do need to be respectful. And in those moments of discrimination or situations of us being “different“ We will seize each of those opportunities to teach them about how words and actions have consequence. That we should not and will not use them as a weapon. Because sometimes that weapon can leave deep scars or be deadly.
So, are they attending Donuts with Dad? Absolutely. And I am happy to report that grandpa will be joining them.
Every Family is different and that‘s okay.💓